Just jokes(2)

misi misi

misi

Growing Little Guru
British classified ads:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little b******.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

British Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
 
okeedokee okeedokee

okeedokee

The Bastion of Belmont
The Country Lawyer...

Joe grew up in a small town in outback Queensland,
then moved to Brisbane to attend law school.
He decided to come back to the country town because he felt he could be a big shot at home.
He really wanted to impress everyone, so he returned and opened his new law office.
The first day he saw a man coming up the side walk.
He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone.
He motioned the man in, all the while talking on the phone.
"No. Absolutely not! You tell those clowns in Sydney that we won't settle this case for less than one million... Yes, the Court of Appeal has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the
primary arguments and the other members of my team will provide support!
Okay, tell the Attorney General that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details..."
The 'conversation' went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for
the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied,
"I'm from Telstra,
and I came to hook up your phone!"
 
aye-aye-Chris aye-aye-Chris

aye-aye-Chris

Famous Word Swap Guru
Staff member
One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell....
"No," Donald said "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair. I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good" says Donald "I've got this problem with my shoulder....I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day".....
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on a bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does.
Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
 
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